Analyzing My Obsessive & Destructive Behaviors That I Created Under The Guise Of Health

I weigh myself every Sunday. It is my ritual that ensures I am on track to reach my desired weight. And I was particularly excited during the days leading up to last Sunday. I was sure I lost a few pounds. My weight goal was that much closer to being reached.

So I thought.

Once Sunday arrived I eagerly stepped on the scale, anticipating to see a lower number than I did the previous week. After all, I worked hard and ate much less all week. My appetite was pretty much nonexistent and that should account for something, right? All of these thoughts rushed through my mind as I placed both feet on the scale.

The numbers on the scale stopped. I gained 1.4 pounds.

A wave of depression immediately came over me. I felt defeated and hopeless. Tears welled up in my eyes. I laid down on my bed and wondered if I would ever be happy with my body. It made no sense that I gained weight; I was doing everything right! My sadness and depression suddenly was introduced to deep-seated anger erupting from inside of me.

To calm my nerves I needed to divert my attention elsewhere, anywhere but my failure to lose weight. I decided to go on Facebook and scroll. I came across a video that piqued my interest.

The video featured a beautiful black woman who lives with severe lymphedema. She spends a lot of time wrapping her legs, and her legs get so much swelling she…