Black Men & Their Backhanded Compliments On My Afro

“I love your hair. I wish more black women wore their natural hair.”

I have been the recipient of this backhanded statement one too many times to count. And every time I hear this “compliment” I wish the second sentence wasn’t spoken. Hell, the entire accolade really could’ve been kept to themselves. I know my hair looks fly. I really don’t need any man to walk up to me to validate my natural beauty.

I get it, though. I wear my fluffy afro proudly, and of course this will cause some stares and even inspire people to approach me. When I used to live in New Jersey and commute daily to work in Manhattan I paid no mind to the Asian passengers I shared space with on the New Jersey Transit who would stare at me with curiosity. Like myself, they were mentally preparing themselves for yet another mundane day of work, and I served as the most interesting-looking distraction for what’s ahead once we stepped off the train at Penn Station.

But when black men pay their respects to my crown, for some reason there is always a self-serving facet to their seemingly innocent, kind words. To me, the way they admire my curls feels like they think I am wearing my hair out solely to be noticed by them. This is similar to the one gloomy, rainy morning when a random black guy thanked me for dressing nice. According to him…