Black Womanhood: The Feminine Suffering & Sexual Labor That Is Deemed Holy In Black Culture

I grew up in a culture that dictates men are allowed to take whatever they want from women without repercussion, as it is their god-given right for being born male. I have come across many black men who either didn’t believe rape exists, or they needed me to stand in as a secondary mother figure and teach them that a woman’s “No” does not mean, “Harass me until I change my mind” or “Sex is the reward you receive for wearing me down and disrespecting my boundaries.” Nowhere in their childhood development and rites of passage into manhood did a trusted adult sit them down to teach them this. Mind you, these grown men were all raising children.

Some of the men I came across were very selective when it came to which women deserved to have their bodies respected. These men had a clear understanding of rape and sexual abuse as it relates to their daughters, mothers, and other female family members, but they completely overlooked a woman’s boundaries and No if they were sexually attracted to her. In other words, his relationship to the woman in question was the determining factor.

Because this blatant disregard of a woman’s physical and emotional well-being is widespread and normalized, it took me literal years to reflect on the first time I tried anal sex, and how I…