Compulsive Working, Perfectionism, And Interrupting The Energetic Flow Of Inspiration To Nurture Myself

For the first time ever I am calling my self out. I am addicted to that feeling of accomplishment, made possible by putting in consistent work and logging in long hours of dedication to my craft.

Now I don’t think this is bad in and of itself. Psychologically, it still haunts me to acknowledge that I am 100% responsible for my income. I no longer get paid a guaranteed salary and I am driven by my fear. But nightmares aside, I enjoy crossing things off my list and I push myself to get that high daily. Even at the cost of my health. A more destructive aspect of my compulsion is my refusal to eat or drink water until I am done with the task at hand, whether I am writing, exercising, cleaning, or pursuing other hobbies. I refuse to stop to eat a morsel of food in between.

Yes, my stomach will be barking and twisting itself in knots as a signal to get me to stop what I’m doing to eat. And I cannot give in.

This isn’t my way of punishing myself, I promise! I simply don’t enjoy breaking that energetic flow that hits me once I start on something. I hate to stop what I’m doing for any reason. I keep at it until it is done…and perfect.