Exploring And Cultivating My Own Beauty Standard As A Free Black Woman

I dare you to begin loving the parts of yourself that you’ve always believed to be unlovable.

“You have a big nose and short hair. While I have a small nose and long hair,” my white friend stated. We were at a noisy bar having drinks after work.

My body twinged as my long fingers reached for one of the natural coils that made up my afro hair. “Why is she even bringing this up?” I asked myself. Maybe there was a reason why she mentioned it. But I was too tipsy to really follow the conversation.

Later that night I reflected on the random comparison my blonde, green-eyed coworker and friend brought up earlier. I didn’t believe she meant any harm in what she said. I just couldn’t understand why she said it.

My non-black friends do not understand the internal beauty standard that my race holds for their women. My hair isn’t even short; my friend believed it to be due to significant shrinkage common in tightly curly hair. But what really made me cringe was that I was conditioned by my culture to believe that my large nose and naturally curly hair was hideous.

To my friend she was simply making a comparison, not gauging how beautiful I was based on my features in comparison to hers. After all, she always calls me her “gorgeous…