Five Things I’ve Learned From Being Raped

“Do not underestimate how much your safety is compromised by continuing to deal with someone who does not respect your boundaries or body.”

One of my greatest fears growing up into womanhood was being raped. And this frightening ordeal came to pass on June 20. A few days before my 24th birthday.

At the time I was seeing a man who was fourteen years my senior. We were introduced by my cousin who frequented the bar he co-owned. I was immediately intrigued by his adorable large brown eyes and his style of dress; he took great care in his appearance.

I knew he was way too busy to have a proper relationship with me, and while I thought I wanted an actual boyfriend I brushed that desire aside. My first mistake was taking what I could get. I knew he wasn’t able to provide me with the affection and time I needed to feel loved and taken care of. But in my young mind having him in small doses was better than having nothing at all.

This man saw that I was young, naive, and desperate for any male attentiveness and he took full advantage of that. He made it very clear that he was going to keep me around for his sexual needs alone. He might have been the worst lover I’ve ever been with. I hated having sex with him, but I did it anyway because I didn’t want to lose him. I thought my body only existed to fulfill…