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Healing My Abusive Relationship With Romanticizing Aggression From Men
I had nothing to lose but my panic attacks, my relationship trauma, my many years of mistreatment by strange men, and all of this sexual and verbal abuse I endured due to fear.
Just a few moments ago I decided to go against my body’s natural cues to lay down and relax on my period and take a short walk around my neighborhood. As I stepped outside my door to be greeted by mist from the grey clouds that cooled the earth I felt a lot better.
Interestingly enough, my relaxing walk that was supposed to serve as a few moments for me to be alone with my thoughts amidst the beauty of dew-soaked fallen leaves, wet spider webs, and tiny lizards scrambling to protect themselves from the weight of my feet transformed into a trigger I couldn’t recognize clearly at first, because I haven’t felt this trigger in a long time. Years, even.
The anxiety that shot up into my chest, which initiated a freeze response from my nervous system, began once I reached the entrance to my neighborhood, which is guarded by a gate.
Before I crossed the street I observed a glossy red pick-up truck drive up to the gate to enter the code to be welcomed inside. While I live in the south and I view pick-up trucks all the time, what had my mind on high alert was that the men in the truck…
