Journal Entry #15: Do I Hate Living Or Do I Hate My Insomnia?

“As a Cancer I am ruled by the moon, and she affects me more severely than most of the population.”

My bedtime today was 5 PM. Yes, 5 in the fucking evening.

I have been trying to fall asleep since 7 AM this morning. Family Guy was streaming in the background as my head lay comfortably on my pillow. I was almost ready to fall asleep; I felt the drowsiness attempt to overtake me, but I just couldn’t give in.

All of a sudden I felt the need to shower. I had to feel clean. My hair felt gross. And my bedroom needed to tidy up.

Ugh! Why must I feel dirty at this hour?!

I lay there on my floral patterned sheets, wondering if I should give in to temptation or get some much-needed rest. I decided to give in to my impulses.

While my clean body, hair, and bedroom gave me much internal satisfaction the drowsy feeling deserted me for good. I was left to lay in bed in a desperate attempt to receive some sleep, which I thought was my god-given right for being human as we cannot function properly without it.

When I opened my eyes at 10 PM I looked around the darkness. I didn’t want to wake up and start my day (er, night). Thoughts of all the tasks I had to complete once I was fully awake flooded my…