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PTSDecisions, Decisions.
Can different exist despite my past, or am I asking life for too much?
The reason why it was so easy for me to hate men, people, the world, life, everyone and everything is because hate gave me something. It gave me more than hope ever could. I didn’t get justice for my rape; in fact, even the jury couldn’t decide if I was raped. These grown adults couldn’t fathom that a woman can be in a relationship with a man and be raped by someone she trusts. This, my friends, is who decides whether or not rapists are determined guilty. And let’s just say, they are doing a terrible job.
But I guess it’s designed to be that way. This isn’t me pointing out the flaws of our justice system either. As humans, all of us want things we cannot get, at least in the ways we feel we must get them.
It is just…life. It is…what it is. It is…what it has been established to be. It is…what it will be despite how any of us may feel. Life is so fair that all of us feel as if we are being treated unfairly. It is…the darkest humor.
Maybe my ex was right. Maybe rape doesn’t exist. Because how can something so horrible exist as a crime if it happens so often that there aren’t enough medical professionals to handle the many rape kits and so many criminals resume their lives as if nothing happened? All because regular people that make up a jury cannot even…
