Real Maturity Is Accepting That Your Body Will Never Be Good Enough For Your Mother

“We view discussing anyone’s weight, whether in front of them or behind their back, as no more offensive than discussing if it will rain or not.”

My mother is in town for Labor Day weekend. And when I walked outside on the balcony earlier this afternoon to tell her what our plans were for tomorrow, I realized that my body will never be good enough for the woman who birthed me.

After informing her that we were going shopping followed by dinner she nodded in agreement. But I noticed how she was carefully squinting at me as I spoke. Her small, slanted eyes were hyper-focused on the body I owned, comfortably covered in soft leggings and a sports bra.

I knew that look all too well. I have experienced those eyes of dissatisfaction for the majority of my life in this body that has been intentionally starved of food, stuffed until my insides hurt due to binge eating disorder, and finally at my current weight. Many people of West Indian descent and heritage are accustomed to the judgmental remarks, stares, and comments where one’s weight and body shape serves as the perfect conversation piece amongst parents and other family members.

After a few seconds of silence my mother finally spoke.