“Can I Cum?”: Reflecting On My Juvenile Attempts To Emotionally And Mentally Dominate Men

“Through sex, he saw his opportunity to give up control and not be the boss for once.”

I have always been attracted to dominate, alpha men. It’s something about their walk, their presence, and their inherent masculine essence that turns me on. But the problem I’ve always faced over and over again was that I didn’t know that I wasn’t a good match for these men. While I tried to deny it for so long, I carry dominant energy as well. My quiet, shy, sweet nature caused me to lie to others (and myself) for a long time. But men aren’t as stupid as some believe them to be.

“I am an alpha male and you are an alpha female.” A man I was seeing told me this one day. I was shocked! I tried so hard to play the docile, submissive woman when we first met and he saw right through my shit. I wasn’t trying to fool him, either. I really thought that being a “traditionally feminine” woman was the mold I was born to fit into. After all, I bought into the bullshit conditioning and nonsensical femininity theories.

I quickly refuted his statement. “I am submissive!” I shot back. Thinking back to that conversation, I sounded so stupid.

It took a while for me to accept that I was not the textbook wife material I tried so hard to become…