Stop Playing Hide & Seek With Yourself Through The Emotions You Don’t Want To Feel

October has been a very weird month for me. It has been a lot of management on my end. From managing my mind, my ever-changing emotions, and my expectations of myself and my work, my body and spirit feels to be in overdrive.

To combat this I have been on both sides of the extremes when it comes to how I am taking care of my body. In the beginning of the month I have been exercising like crazy. You could find me wrapping very few clothes around my body and dancing into the wee hours of the morning. Now that the month is coming to a close I am much more tired than usual. I am taking several naps a day in addition to making my bedtime between the shocking hours of 10 AM-11 AM.

These are all attempts to numb myself out and not feel through the discomfort that’s been trying to reach me for so long. It’s like a phone call that I refuse to answer.

On an emotional level I am truly in unfamiliar territory. I have been trying to ground myself with meditation, music, writing, dancing, and just trying to keep up with my normal routine as much I can. But nothing helped. I still felt…off. And sitting with those feelings was how I finally found the answer to the dilemma that I believed to be such a big problem.