The Conscious Decision To Be Childfree, And Why I Don’t Want Children

My favorite response is, “Well you’ll change your mind.”

Now it would be rude if I said this to a parent, implying that they don’t want their children anymore (cue Reddit’s “I Regret Having Children” thread). So why say this to me, as if I didn’t carefully weigh the pros and cons of motherhood? Children are a permanent decision. I can’t “change my mind” back once the baby is here.

One sunny day I was waiting for the PATH train in Jersey City, NJ. I just got done shopping at Newport Mall, and I was ready to go home and relax.

The train came and a tall man with large, kind eyes asked me if I was stepping on. I quickly got on the crowded train, and I found myself standing next to this man the entire ride home.

This man said that I was really pretty, and it was apparent that he wanted to converse. I didn’t care to have a full-blown conversation, but I indulged. I must admit that I was uncomfortable. I should’ve flat out told him I wasn’t interested in speaking with him, or I should’ve walked over to the other side of the train. Either way, I decided to stay put and listen to this man ramble on and on about his life. I could tell he was trying to sell himself to me as a viable partner.

He showed me photos of his daughter and her children. Now his daughter was my age, and this strange man was about 30 years older than me. I looked at the pictures on his phone quietly.