The Destructive Allure Of Perfectionism And The Surrender That Follows

“Damn. When am I going to finally be good enough for myself?”

This was the question I asked myself just a few moments ago. Tonight I was supposed to continue resting my body after a strenuous four hours of dancing the night before which left me in so much pain I was barely able to climb out of bed yesterday. Instead of recuperating from my tragic soreness I was up dancing until 6 AM this morning.

Sounds excessive? Well it is. I had no good reason to put my body under so much stress for two consecutive nights in a row; I am not a professional dancer. But I had this itch to ignore my excruciating back, neck, and leg pain and get some practice in.

Why? Because of perfectionism.

What was supposed to be a relaxing few minutes of shaking my hips to my favorite songs ended up being dragged out to long hours of scrutinizing my body and compulsively repeating the same moves over and over again in hopes that the thirst of my perfectionist tendencies would be quenched. Because no matter how much progress I have made so far in losing weight and adapting a healthier lifestyle it still isn’t good enough.

Origins

My obsession with being perfect stemmed from my strict upbringing. My parents had the mindset that…