The Strange Habits That Make Me Feel Safe As A Rape Survivor

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It is 5 AM. I hopped out of bed to use the bathroom and walked back to my bedroom after washing my hands.

Once I opened my bedroom door I stood close to the entrance in the darkness. I desperately wanted to repeat the actions that signify I am a normal human being and casually jump back into bed. But I didn’t feel safe enough to resume this action.

So what did I do? I switched on the lights for a few seconds. After turning around to find no one hiding behind my door to assault me, my eyes peered around the four walls of my bedroom to double check that I was safe enough to turn off the lights and get comfortable in the darkness again.

Five Things I’ve Learned From Being Raped

This may sound silly to many people, but I habitually flicker on my bedroom light every single time I leave my room at nighttime, even for a few seconds. I don’t believe I completely lost my mental marbles during the moonlight hours. But it soothes my nervous system to ensure that nobody is there and that I am alone.