Wow! This deserves a standing ovation. I never connected the two but now that I think about it you are absolutely spot on!
From my experience, the men who droned on and on about sexual abuse against women tried to make me feel safe by sharing how they know a loved one who went through it or they try to get me to talk about my past experiences so that I can be vulnerable with them and get attached faster.
Years ago I was talking to a man who’s deceased mother was raped when she was alive. He vowed to never do anything like that to a woman. Turns out he was one of the most entitled, aggressive men I’ve ever met. He didn’t understand that No actually meant No. I didn’t feel safe around him at all.
You are so right, Lily, it is a set up from the start.